Help, I’m struggling and I am lonely.
The post is very current as I am going through a depressed cycle for the past four to five days.
I picked up this sentence from an article on Matt Christian’s blog.It was typed in capital letters showing how important it was to him. Since then it has been omnipresent in my mind.The article I am referring to is beautifully written and contains so many crucial open questions that I would love to be able to address one day.
I do not know Matt personally but I think it is fairly safe to say that he is much younger than I am. One might think that I’ve more life experiences, which should enable me to better deal with problems. Unfortunately, it isn’t true and it isn’t the point.
The points, here, are feelings like love is a feeling that never ages.
So in the sentence; HELP, I’M STRUGGLING AND I AM LONELY is all about feelings that are embedded in those words and are relevant to most of us bipolars.Regardless of age or experiences, these emotions are here and an ongoing basis.
HELP; I am currently going through a rough time and I am desperate for help, I need someone to talk to; professional or not. I just need somebody to be here for me and to talk to, without judgments. I need somebody to take me in into his/her or her arms, I guess I could go to the hospital and get admitted but never. Even though it is probably what I need but I will never do go.
Therefore I AM STRUGGLING; comes naturally since I didn’t get the help I needed to. I don’t know what to do to get better. What am I supposed to do now? I am totally discombobulated. But life goes on in the real world; the family needs attention and care, bills keep coming in, the most important ones are dealt with the others will have to wait. I’m currently looking at all the paperwork that I’ve been procrastinating over the past few months and haven’t done a thing yet. The pile is staring at me and obviously not going anywhere, even though I wished it did. So yes, I am struggling and at this point and time, I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and if there is one it’s probably the incoming train.
I feel extremely LONELY and isolated. I don’t have and know anybody that I can talk to openly who will understand my pains and struggles. Only professional are the people that I have in mind who could be there. I cannot talk to anybody in my family because it affects them too much and frustrates them as they don’t have the key to my happiness and feel they should have it. I’d explained to them, numerous times, that I don’t know where and what is the key, maybe there is none.
I can only see my shrink every other month as I don’t have the funds to pay for a regular psychiatrist and drugs. But here in France, I have the luxury of still being taken care of for free, the country picks up the tab. Thank you, France. Of course, it is not as flexible and as frequent as If I had private care. Nevertheless, I have a team of psychiatric nurses, psychologist and of course my doctor behind me. The mere fact of knowing that I can go at any time to the hospital, and somebody will be there for me is very reassuring.
As far as the sentence is concerned; I am afraid that it will remain with us until the end…
Take good care of yourselves