I’m afraid…

It’s started yesterday.

It was trying to get under my skin and to my sternum but I fought with all I could. Tricks acquired from therapies, medicines but it finally it won the battle during the night.

Since of late last night, it cold and unpleasant pressure is here. Sometimes it is so hard that I feel like vomiting. It’s pushing me towards the trap of darkness and depression. I take all the medication that I can get in order not to fall into the obscurity of depression. I am getting weaker by the hour. This is the first time that I’m writing something that is happening live. I am trying to be as coherent as possible.

It is awful to feel and to be powerless. My anxiety is at its highest. All of this is born out financial problems. I can’t deal with them anymore. I don’t know what to do, who to turn to. My head won’t shut up.

I am so tired and I haven’t done anything all day. I beyond exhaustion and the pain is back. I’m afraid of tomorrow…

 

Peace and serenity

Lawrence

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18 thoughts on “I’m afraid…

  1. Financial problems are terrible. Last years I had a friend with that too. It stressed me out also. One way or the other. You got to let know you need help. It makes me sad also, with my friend in mind last years.
    Hope you will be strong.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I know how easy it is to tell someone to just hang on…sometimes these are just words and I can’t hear them. I try to remember that emotions come and go like the waves of an ocean. I will not feel this way forever! Sometimes I need to take things minute by minute. Inch by inch. Second by second. Even if you can’t here these words right now…hang on. You are much appreciated and I love your words. Keep writing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank so very much for reminding me about the positive side of things. It is a bit ironic because I was telling the same to somebody, a while back when this person was going through a rough time. And now that it is happening to me I cannot apply it. Thank you again for your support and compliments. It does help a lot.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. One thing that I has been drilled into me over the past year is that I must not say “I can’t.” Because in all actuality, I can…however, I do struggle with, or I am having difficulty with, or something on those lines. It is amazing how much this change in languide helps. It gives us more power.
        Also, I completely understand how giving advice is easier than telling it to ourselves. I am doing it right now…

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, my good friend. It means a lot especially now, with the way I feel. I have to go to social services and I hate it. I always come out of there feeling awful and then I have my psy. Not looking forward to my day. But what you just told will help, they are good reminders. We know them but when it is time to apply them to us we seem to forget them and need to be reminded. Thank you so much Matt

      Liked by 1 person

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