As scheduled, I went to my psychiatrist today. It was quite a long and draining session. We covered many issues in detail. I don’t know about you, but to me, the longer they are, the more tiresome they become.
My doctor’s opinion on dreams and nightmares is as follows. In both cases, it is our sub-conscience unloading and erasing itself data through dreams and nightmares. My question was, what makes them dreams or nightmares? Several factors can have an impact such as food, time of dinner, our mood, level of tiredness. Why are they sometimes so vivid? Generally, it happens during the last cycles or our sleep or when we oversleep. Then came my last question, How do you explain reoccurring nightmares? His take is that sometimes the brain cannot unload some deeply rooted feelings or thoughts right away and it takes more time to get rid of them. To me, this made a lot of sense about reoccurring nightmares for the sole reason that when we don’t have them anymore, they never come back. He didn’t want to speculate on whether certain dreams have specific meanings. His answers were purely from a scientific point of view which is understandable.
I reiterated my problems with the side effects, especially the one troubling me the most which are my occasional trips to the bathroom. I wasn’t surprised whatsoever when he told me that there isn’t much more than can be done. It is the same for other side effects. I have to deal with them since my current treatment is adequate for the time being.
I have been stable for the past six months at least, even though we had increased couple month ago the dosage of the antidepressant. It is likely that we will have to raise it again as my level of anxiety bears a heavy load on me and could push me into another depression. He gave me more latitude regarding one particular medication dealing with anxiety when it is becoming unbearable.
He asked me to be part of a pilot experiment in group therapy. He stressed the importance of having me within the group which was flattering. He feels that since I am stable and have an in-depth understanding our illness coupled with the fact that I am not afraid to speak about my experiences, would be an asset. During the therapy, a psychiatrist will be present along with psychiatrist nurse and a pharmacist. Group therapies or gathering already exist but without any the medical supervision. I agreed to it in principle as I have to see if it can fit my schedule, it is about one and half hour from my house.
I like the idea and will do my best to be implicated as it is a concrete positive action to help our community.
Anyway, we had to go through many administrative issues which are crippling my family and me as they all have a financial implication. The French government decided to cut my entire handicap allowance for an unwarranted reason. The French system is there to assist you when you are facing financial hardship. The problem lies where they have so many different types of aids, which most of the cancel each other as they all come from a separate section of the government. I tried to do my best in summarizing the French administration labyrinth. All of this to tell you that I am currently caught between a rock and a hard place. Hopefully, this will be resolved unfortunately later rather than sooner according to my doctor. It was a nice gesture, to have spent so much time with me on these issues as he didn’t have to.
Peace and serenity