What I find hard when I am depressed is to find the strength and energy to deal with the day to day.
All of us know that even the most trivial task can become a huge hurdle to overcome. Examples;
buying my dog’s food, I have been postponing it, over and over as the drive to the pet shop is quite far, I have no other choice but to go today otherwise my friend will have no dinner.
filling out my tax return is a tremendous issue to deal with (not done yet), to my credit, the French forms are grueling to fill out, combined with the fact that I hate paperwork.
I have to order the spare parts to perform an oil change on both of our cars and so on.
When it comes to these matters during a depression, I don’t have the common sense as far as which one is more important or timely. To me, they all have the same level of priority despite the fact that intellectually I know the different levels of importance amongst them. For some obscure reason that I don’t understand, I can’t rationalize. This list of essential tasks to do runs in loops in my mind, which creates more and more anxiety and procrastination. It is exhausting. The vicious spiral seems unstoppable.
The reality is that I have no choice but to tackle these chores whether I am sick or not. Life goes on. I can’t afford to be legally penalized because of my depression.
The positive side in regards to my current state is the fact that I still am able to recognize and hopefully act on these issues. It indicates that the depression isn’t as severe as it could be.
I am going to try to tackle and settle one problem daily. By doing so, it should reduce the “To Do List,” hence lowering the anxiety level and finally slow down, if not stop, this negative cycle. I won’t be able to eliminate all of it at once, but it should help. That’s what I am hoping for anyway. I am going to start today and will let you know about its outcome. We will see how useful it is.
Depressions are not only a condition that affects my moods, level of energy and tiredness but after time it has destructive side effects as well:
- It attacks the family’s dynamic. There is so much they can take, the constant negativity, lethargy, no desire or motivation. Being asked to accept it time after time makes life very difficult for them and for me as well as I feel guilty.
- This coupled with my lack of necessary physical involvement in the essential house maintenance being indoors or outdoors. Make matters worse.
- As I mentioned many times, my family is everything to me. I cannot afford to lose them. I have to step up my game, find some strength and maybe adopt the same method as with the chores. Perhaps if they see me moving my butt, it will soothe all these harmful side effects.
Peace and serenity