In an effort to make things a little lighter regarding depressions, I thought to give them a degree of magnitude. I rated the severity of these phases using the analogy with hurricanes.
I find it a good way to give depressions some tangible way to gage them. It makes it easier for my family to know the severity of my current state of mind.
It is also relevant as they do significant damages once they come and are gone, some move very slowly hence more destruction. Depressions have these similarities, except that they last longer.
These major storms are no strangers to me as I had to live with them for seventeen years. The range used to evaluate the strength of the storms are from one to five. One being the lowest implying substantial collateral damages with no or minimal human casualties and five is total destruction and death. Below you will see the definitions and comparisons made by the NASA:
- Category 1: Winds 119-153 km/hr (74-95 mph) – faster than a cheetah
- Category 2: Winds 154-177 km/hr (96-110 mph) – as fast or faster than a baseball pitcher’s fastball
- Category 3: Winds 178-208 km/hr (111-129 mph) – similar, or close, to the serving speed of many professional tennis players
- Category 4: Winds 209-251 km/hr (130-156 mph) – faster than the world’s fastest rollercoaster
- Category 5: Winds more than 252 km/hr (157 mph) – similar, or close, to the speed of some high-speed trains
I have never reached a Category five as I wouldn’t be writing this post if I did. When I had my major depression eight years ago, I did reach a strong Category four as well as when I had my severe relapse a couple of years ago. I won’t elaborate on hurricanes as they are different types within each Category (i.e., wet or dry storms, ocean surge). Before reaching the hurricane level, the storm I must first go through the tropical cycles.
As you have probably guessed if you have read my last few posts that I am in a depression and as the title of the post gives it away, I gage myself being in a strong Category two. I have to try to take all possible precautions in order not to fall more in-depth in the rating. I don’t think that I am in a significant depression yet. Otherwise, I would have given it a Category three which is when hurricanes officially start to be labeled as major.
I have written a lot recently, about what is troubling me and creating the negative cycles that are in play. There is one way to stop this dynamic, and that is to find a job. It is the key to unlock this issue. To earn a decent living. I do not have any high expectations, and I certainly don’t think about reaching ever again my previous income level. If I had a job, I would begin to start respecting myself again, and it will help with the self-esteem. I would feel that I am fulfilling my main duty.
Concretely it means that we would be able to start to get ourselves out of this poverty pit. We would not have to worry constantly about financial problems.
My doctor agrees with my assessment that it is fifty percent of my problems. The other fifty percent is my mental stability which we had achieved, and there isn’t any reason why I shouldn’t get it back.
The problem is that I cannot find a job despite all my efforts.
Peace and serenity