From early morning, just after I woke up. I have tried to deal with extreme anxieties which ranged from personal to business but all have the same common denominators which is money that I don’t have; future confrontations and problems, next week, which I am in no shape to face, and no semblance of future but I still have hope somehow.
Nobody can help me but myself. I have created everything that I’m living and feeling. I have nobody else to blame but me.
I am writing this post after having experienced a full blown panic attack a few hours ago. I wanted to relay it to you “live.” The feelings and torments generated by it. It feels like having a heart attack without any danger of dying from it. The symptoms and experience are the same. Your chest is pounding, you have trouble breathing, you feel your blood gushing through your jugulars, your chest feels restricted, almost caving in, and your throat feels that it is closing up.
What I want to stress to the people who do not have any experience in it, is what I am describing is not in our head but is happening to you. They strongly recommend going to the hospital to make sure it wasn’t a real heart attack. I went once to the ER when I had my first experience but didn’t go on the afterward.
It came up suddenly after having been tormented by my thoughts for an extended period of time. The maximum intensity last for roughly fifteen minutes, it is physically painful, and you genuinely feel that it is the end (I wish). After that, you feel the pressure leaving your body gradually and slowly. You end up exhausted and wanting to sleep.
As I am writing this post, these anxieties are still there but not nearly as strong as they were earlier this morning when I was leading myself towards the attack.
I have slept, but I am not entirely rested. Me writing about it has two benefits; one, I hope that my experience will hopefully help a reader and two, for myself it is therapeutic to write.
They are ways to fight anxiety, and I know quite a few, but to be able to use this bag of tools, you need to be stable and not in a depression. We are having a problem figuring out which generate what; is it the anxiety that creates a depression or is it depression that creates anxiety. In my case, since a suffer from severe anxiety disorders, I believe my anxieties are building up depressions. But this is for me only unless somebody else feels the same.
Anxieties in general, having a disorder or not, can be crippling and can create roadblocks as well. They alter your decisions or actions and generally it is not for the better. I understand that we need anxiety to function in life as it warns you from a potential danger of any sort, but we you are mentally ill, it is an entirely different ball game.
Peace and serenity