When anxieties strike hard.

From early morning, just after I woke up. I have tried to deal with extreme anxieties which ranged from personal to business but all have the same common denominators which is money that I don’t have; future confrontations and problems, next week, which I am in no shape to face, and no semblance of future but I still have hope somehow.

Nobody can help me but myself. I have created everything that I’m living and feeling. I have nobody else to blame but me.

I am writing this post after having experienced a full blown panic attack a few hours ago. I wanted to relay it to you “live.” The feelings and torments generated by it. It feels like having a heart attack without any danger of dying from it. The symptoms and experience are the same. Your chest is pounding, you have trouble breathing, you feel your blood gushing through your jugulars, your chest feels restricted, almost caving in, and your throat feels that it is closing up.

What I want to stress to the people who do not have any experience in it, is what I am describing is not in our head but is happening to you. They strongly recommend going to the hospital to make sure it wasn’t a real heart attack. I went once to the ER when I had my first experience but didn’t go on the afterward.

It came up suddenly after having been tormented by my thoughts for an extended period of time. The maximum intensity last for roughly fifteen minutes, it is physically painful, and you genuinely feel that it is the end (I wish). After that, you feel the pressure leaving your body gradually and slowly. You end up exhausted and wanting to sleep.

As I am writing this post, these anxieties are still there but not nearly as strong as they were earlier this morning when I was leading myself towards the attack.

I have slept, but I am not entirely rested. Me writing about it has two benefits; one, I hope that my experience will hopefully help a reader and two, for myself it is therapeutic to write.

They are ways to fight anxiety, and I know quite a few, but to be able to use this bag of tools, you need to be stable and not in a depression. We are having a problem figuring out which generate what; is it the anxiety that creates a depression or is it depression that creates anxiety. In my case, since a suffer from severe anxiety disorders, I believe my anxieties are building up depressions. But this is for me only unless somebody else feels the same.

Anxieties in general, having a disorder or not, can be crippling and can create roadblocks as well. They alter your decisions or actions and generally it is not for the better. I understand that we need anxiety to function in life as it warns you from a potential danger of any sort, but we you are mentally ill, it is an entirely different ball game.

Peace and serenity

Lawrence

 

25 thoughts on “When anxieties strike hard.

  1. One the title “mental illness” is laid, fear is easily achieved by overlord. The psychiatric society of overlords. WE must begin by eliminating that term and believing ourselves capable.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Sorry for the late reply. I got caught with the day to day and could only go back to my blog a few minutes back.
      Thank you for your comment. It was hard to write in a coherent manner while I was experiencing the aftermath of the attack. I pledge in my introductory note to tell my experiences as I live them. The goal is to help people of comfort them by knowing they are not alone. Sometimes my blog is a bit dark but it is how I feel when I write them. The truth the way I feel it.

      Like

  2. O to suffer from panic attacks occasionally. When my brother used to have them i thought is was a lode of crap he was acting until I suffered my first one in the shower one day many years ago. I truly thought that my heart would stop before I could get out. People just don’t understand how scary they are and depending on the frame of mind we are in we either wish the feeling would take us out or we are praying to live.

    Liked by 1 person

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