I had my session with the psychologist today, and it was a good one overall. We had our share of disagreements regarding my objections to attend the group therapy that is scheduled for May. But I will get to this last.
We started first with my current condition which isn’t good, no great surprises there. I was explaining to her why am I talking about a relapse and answered why she doesn’t see it as such. She sees me as depressed, a bit more than usual but not out of control yet.
She didn’t notice any signs of relapse through my speech, body language and our discussion about my current financial debacle, the lack of any real future an so on. Her message is quite clear to me. If I were in the midst of a relapse, I wouldn’t be able to converse in this calm and collected manner. But I had to be on the lookout.
She is by far more experienced than I am and I trust her judgment as my self-analysis has to be by definition subjective, if not irrational at times. So we have one positive which is that I am not relapsing, but it still doesn’t pay the bills. This is becoming an obsession which is taking me nowhere good and that I should quit the sooner, the better.
To go back to my initial point, the group therapy. Here are the reasons why I chose not to go.
The first one is the topic which is; how to avoid relapse. I told my psychologist that such subject is irrealistic if not ridiculous. Anybody knows, bipolars and the medical corp that such goal is impossible to achieve. Hence my question to her was what motivated the organizer to bring such subject to the table. She gave me some grin which told me that she was in agreement with me but would never admit it. It is understandable when you take into account her position. She masterfully diverted to the fact straight back to her point which is to create a group therapy and be in contact with other bipolars. I answered in a way that annoyed her as I was carefully observing her body language as I knew that my answer would generate a reaction. I responded that I have already, daily interaction with bipolars through my blog and to date I haven’t found a better support system. Where we exchange everything, thoughts, feelings, experience and the most amazing efficient response group when someone or myself find a roadblock or encounters a crisis whether it is minor or significant. Sure enough, she told me that was virtual, and I countered by saying they are no computers helping us on the other side but real people from all walks of life, countries, and cultures. But she still came back with the absolute certainty that a group therapy is far more effective than blogging. I conclude this point by saying that I would attend one that has a topic that I feel relevant.
Second, was the visit to a new psychiatrist regarding this group therapy. I told her clearly, and this was non-negotiable, I will not see another doctor as mine is all I need and that I have my psychologist as well. I don’t need nor do I want to start to tell the all story all over again. She was a bit puzzled by it and didn’t answer me or, at least, I don’t remember getting an answer.
The third point which we didn’t get to talk about was the session’s schedule. It happens to be that the majority of the group meetings conflict with my schedule. I need to pick up my children from school at almost at the same time as when the therapy ends. Even If I wanted to participate, it would be impossible as we don’t have any family or close friends that would be able to pick them up.
I could have started with the third point and make it short, but I thought It would be interesting to share how some professionals think about our community, I did mention this awful nurse who contacted me and was out of line.
Peace and serenity