Yesterday was a total emotional and factual rollercoaster.
The day started fine as I drove the boys to school and afterward I was on my way to Geneva to teach English.
As I mentioned in a previous post, I have performed an oil change on our two vehicles. I am always a bit apprehensive right after I work on the cars since I hate it so much and I am afraid of omitting to do something.
Once I’d reach Geneva, I will be able to check if the oil level is right and that no leak was around the oil filter or anywhere else.
Finally, I reached Geneva parked in an underground. Unfortunately, the space that I was stationed in was poorly lit, and I had to use my smart phone’s flashlight to check the oil level which seemed to be fine but then the disaster happen. I dropped my phone in between the radiator fan and the engine block. I could see the phone but could grab it as my forearms are too big, I burned both of them badly as I was desperately trying to get my phone and preventing it from melting or burning which would have burned the car as well. But no luck, despite my efforts.
The clock was also ticking as I had my lesson to give. I had calculated enough time for me to have a sandwich but all that time went into trying to rescue the phone which is a brand new iPhone 8s. I decided to leave like this as I couldn’t call anybody for apparent reasons. I was hoping that a lady in the office would be able to help me as I thought a slimmer arm could reach it.
At this point, my anxiety was out of control as I was pacing back and forth and moaning. Suddenly a voice within me, a new one, told me to get a hold of myself and to regain composure as there was nothing that I could do at this time to solve this problem. I will have to attend to it after my English lesson which should take about 2 ½ hours. This new voice is the voice of positivity and a new one for me as I always listened to the negative voice, in time of stress throughout my life.
This was a first, and it worked.
I was able to conduct my English class normally, even though sometimes my mind was wondering if anything had burned. At the end of the course, my student asked me if I wanted her help. I was surprised and touched. The plan was first to try to extract the phone manually and if not to call for emergency. The Cosmic Forces were with me, and she was able to get the phone without any problem. Nothing had burned or melted, and my phone was functioning despite being piping hot. I was so happy and grateful that I offered my student a coffee or a drink which she accepted with pleasure.
I believed my share of problems were over for the day but no; early that evening, when I reached home and received a phone call from my wife telling me that she was stuck in town as her car acted up all day and now wasn’t starting at all. She was very calm despite the problem and so was I, thank my new way of looking at things. I looked at the positive; her, and the kids were safe, the car was parked in a legal spot, we still had daylight, and I was about to come down right away.
The problem seemed to be that I put too much new oil during the oil change which was preventing the car from working properly. I managed to restart the car and drove it back home. All of the above with total composure and calm. I hope this “new me” sticks around because I am really enjoying this type of disposition. It reduces the anxiety level and consumes less energy.
Today I was able to fix the car, and now everything is fine.
I am convinced that the Comic Forces wanted to test me, to see if this drastic change of frame of mind was serious, and to check how strong it was. I believe I have passed the test and will carry on practicing and get stronger with time.
To believe that I am not at risk of either depression or mania is ludicrous as we all know how powerful and unpredictable this illness is. But for the time being, I’ll keep focusing on positivity.
Peace and serenity