Today was a tough fight between my new positive voice which I believe comes from a new white-winged angel and the dark ones.
This new angel didn’t come alone he came along to relieve the others as they are tired after fighting for so many weeks for survival. The dark angels had taken over, and it is something that I can’t tolerate.
After having enjoyed two or three days of positivity, today was a bit in between.
Also, believe that the weather has something to do with it. In the past, the weather never had any impact on my day to day, but now, as I’m trying to recollect recent mood swings, I am almost sure that it has a significant bearing on my disposition.
The difference between now and then is that I am aware of this positive voice that I’ve discovered recently. I know now that I can count on her but have to be realistic and patient as it can’t lift me up and fight the darkness at the same time.
This thought process originated this morning as I had to take the boys to school and pick them up half day as it is Wednesday. In France, children go to school half day on Wednesday.
The drop off went just fine. I was just very annoyed by how damp and cold it was it was 3.5 Celsius. I understand that we live on the mountain but not at the altitude of Mount Everest. One could hope to have a higher temperature in early May. Sorry I digressed.
Actually, I didn’t because it started to shift my mood slowly. Also, I knew that the pick up wouldn’t be a pleasure. I had to drive two hours round trip to pick them up as they are doing some heavy duty roadwork on the normal path connecting us to town. The detour is particularly dangerous as they are winding narrow roads throughout the way. Some drivers feel that it is some race track and they can drive at ridiculous speeds with total disregard for traffic, no wonder why they have so many dead.
We do not know how long the road work will last. Hopefully, they will end sooner rather than later.
I am sitting here and trying to make some sense out of all of this since my jovial and positive mood wasn’t present today. Is it because my rapid cycles that are at work. And for no good reasons they are bouncing me from one side to the other. Or is it due to these little facts seemingly very light in consequence, but because of my fragile state, they have an impact; I’m referring to the low temperature, humidity and damp day and this huge detour smack in the middle of the day.
I don’t know what to make of it, should I fight it with more energy or is it a moot point since the rapid bipolarity cycles are stronger than anything else.
I am waiting to hear what the new voice has to say as I know for sure that it will manifest itself shortly. I know that I possess positivity now, it is within me.
Peace and serenity