I will try and stay positive, but it is very shaky.

Today is a prime example of a day where I should have been happy and if not satisfied at least relaxed.

But no, I had to worry about something that mainly damaged my day but not entirely as I’ll explain.

Mondays are my teaching days where I go down to Geneva. It’s nice to go back to civilization once in a while but not for too long. As you probably recall we are facing a significate car problem as one ours which is out of order. This week is filled with Holidays which makes it impossible to find a trustworthy mechanics since ours is gone for the week. A very kind and empathetic person offered to give us her car for the day as we both, my wife and I, had heavy teaching scheduled. My wife is a bit more critical and less flexible as she works for the “Education National Française” versus me that works as a freelance.

Currently, I don’t have enough students to pay the bills. After one year of existence, I should start to see some, but I don’t. The strangest thing happened to me as well as another teacher in regards to the activity with the Swiss AI (Federal Office for Handicapped). We initially receive few nice mandates and then nothing. I called my contacts at the agency and asked them if everything was okay if I had done something out of line or anything else. But no, they answered that they were pleased with my performance and service, and it was just a mere coincidence that nothing came my way. I trust one of the contacts very much but part of me says that something is wrong, it may be that they have less their disposal and/or feel that Conversational English isn’t cutting it for the people that they have to take care of for now. Even though I haven’t seen anything in nine months and guess that the important thing is that the door isn’t closed. We’ll see. Unfortunately, for the bottom line, it feels like I have lost a precious client.

As you can see nothing was wrong with my day, the students were happy, and we made some significant improvements with one. Therefore I had all the reasons to feel great.

But I didn’t, because the angels of darkness kept pounding on me the car problem. Can it be fixed? If yes, how much? What if I can’t afford to pay for it, What is going to happen? We, can’t live with one car, just impossible. We even can’t afford a used one, I went and checked this afternoon. What is going to happen? We barely have enough money for food now. On the other side of the spectrum, the angels of brightness were trying to tell me not to worry as it doesn’t achieve anything right now, as nothing can be done. It could also be a minor problem, and the worse doesn’t happen all the time! They were telling me to take one day at the time as it is all I can do. Be extremely thankful, which I am, for these people who helped us out with today’s car issue. And a solution always comes up.

Honestly from the bottom of my heart and soul, I want to believe and keep being positive, but these angels of darkness who come from nowhere are multiplying their presence at a record speed versus the bright angels seem to take forever to come to the rescue. I had this constant loud voices and noises in my head, and it is exhausting.

 

I will try and stay positive, but it is very shaky right now.

Peace and serenity

 

Lawrence

 

7 thoughts on “I will try and stay positive, but it is very shaky.

  1. Try to live in the moment instead of worrying about what would happen tomorrow?
    What if there’s no tomorrow? You’d lose your present thinking about something that may not even be there.

    Liked by 2 people

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