Not able to batlle it.

It is incredible to witness what depression can do to you. It feels like a court judgment for a crime you haven’t committed and the punishment takes effect immediately. The difference being that this sentencing increases in its intensity and pain, all of it gradually, without knowing when it will stop.

I am up to my neck in it and, feels horrible.

There is nothing positive except that I’ve managed to stay out of bed and did some housework for most of the day which had two benefits, one was to have a clean house and the second was that I moved my butt. I did have a small snooze however in the afternoon.

If you read this and never have suffered from a severe bout with depression, I sure hope that you will never do and If you are living with a depressive person, you have to understand that every single feeling, however dark it may be, is real and felt by the ill person. Please be as supportive, understanding and more than anything, be patient. I know from my entourage that living with a sick person is no walk in the park and at times, they are fed up which I totally understand, but before these feelings came about they showed me and practiced for years and months these three virtues.

Without the support of my family and having them as a goal to regain a decent life I would have given up a long time ago and be dead by now.

I think of death too much and will talk to my doctor about it this coming Wednesday. My depression has been decayed rapidly in the past few weeks. I am in disarray and hanging on by a thread.

Come to think, there was another positive, according to the statistics, my poems are doing well and are improving. It is a beautiful way to translate your emotions and feelings elegantly. I am incredibly thankful to Saumya Agrawal and Auroraboros who both have pushed me and challenged me to do so.

Otherwise, the day was dismal at best. I cried extensively throughout the day on mainly trivial matters.

Tomorrow, along with my fourteen years old boy we are going to take place in an event created by the World Health Organisation (WHO). It is called “Talk The Walk,” as its name states it is going to be and walk and a run for the Mental Awareness Month of May. I am looking forward to it. I don’t know what to expect as there is very little information regarding the gathering which should start at 9h45 and finish at 1 pm. It isn’t worrying me at all. Worse comes to worse; I’ll be spending some quality time with my boy.

Peace and serenity

Lawrence

 

 

 

 

 

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9 thoughts on “Not able to batlle it.

    1. Thank you for your compliment. I have been a fighter on and off the ring since the age of 20. I was called a warrior by many and still am. Even though I feel like ending it right now sometimes, there is a stronger voice saying that I can’t let this thing beat me. It’s a constant battle as you well know but I can’t let it win or let the demons win. I gotta fight. It’s hard but I tell myself that I have no choice when having kids. Thanks for your compliment again it really touched me.

      Liked by 1 person

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